Today I bit the bullet.
Took the plunge.
Jumped off the cliff.

I bought the new iphone.

Normally this would be a day of celebration but for some reason it hasn't been. I'm positive there is sin in here somewhere. I've felt anxious and conflicted all day.Was it a wise decision? Am I honoring God by the way that I'm spending my money. What will other people think about me having one of these expensive phones? Will I always feel the need to justify it? I'm the church girl. I'm suppose to be completely broke and happy.

Don't get me wrong I could give you a list of the ways that I have justified it (some of it being pretty legit... some probably not) but today I took the plunge.

Believe me, I have NO problem with other people having expensive phones, cars, clothes, or jewelery but what hit me today was the simple fact... what at this point in life have I really denied myself?

I drive the car I would dream of, live in the house I dream of, have the job that I love that pays for these things... and now the phone I have always dreamed of.

What have I denied myself? And all the more significant... this is God's money! Where does He want His money to go? I have gone back and forth - truly wrestling hard with myself, God, and others opinions on this for the past month. And I don't feel like I have gotten a clear answer either way.

I know God gives us freedom but it really hit me whenever I got a church credit card about 3 years ago that this was a HUGE responsibility. Literally spending money that God commands His followers to lay at the apostles feet. 10% of hard earned money that is given to the church by faith. Faith that it will be used for the building up of the Kingdom of God... for God's purposes alone.

But it also hit me... shouldn't this be how I feel every time I use my own credit card? That is God's money just the same that is to be used for His purposes, and His alone.

At this point I'm positive I could persuade myself either way... to return or not to return. That is the question.